I don't really have anything against journals...but it just seems a little bitter to relive past moemories...memories you don't want to resurrect.
I can't seem to remember some things...Is it selective memory? Am I deranged?
It's lunch break and I'm hanging on..none of my office mates can relate to me, I can't YM or listen to music...its all work...
But worth it. I recieved my first BIG SALARY. WHOA. PARTY TIME!
I just severed connections with a former friend...She was my best friend for 6 years. Fuck. 6 freaking years of my life...I want it back!
But I trust my best friends when they told me that I have to do it...that she was not healthy for me. That I can't help her anymore if she's too stubborn to listen to me...they told me she was not worth it...just leave her be...And let her realize what an idiot she's been...when it's too late
I love them...I mean, they waged TOTAL WAR ON HER. I'm sure her so called friends won't do the same...
My best friends...I'm ready to lay my life for them, just as they are ready to do the same. I'm so happy with them...even if I'm going through alot of crap nowadays...
My father cried yesterday...My mom threatened to expose him and his 'other'. My dad cried for the other, but he didn't cry for my mom. He wanted to protect the 'other'. But he didn't take care of my mom. He didn't care if he hurt my mom...or betrayed me. Now, I see my mom suffering...and crying behind my back. My expression is always blank. I didn't smile. I didn't laugh. I just looked at her...for I know if I did cry, my mom's will would be weakened.
So I'm being strong for her.
My head's aching again...I need to use my glasses again. Sometimes, I feel my chest ache and it's so hard to breathe...Like my heart is being ripped from my chest. My mind's sometimes clouded and my head aches...maybe it's from the stress? And sometimes, I feel the need to vomit...not because of my stomach but from the lack of oxygen and irrational beating of my heart.Imagine yourself with those feelings late at night while you try to sleep...half hoping and half afraid that you won't wake up the next day...imagine having those feelings while you silently sleep...or try to...and wake up the next day dead tired...
I've been having trouble breathing lately...It's hard to sleep
And there's my lovelife...don't get me started on that..
Sometimes, I wish I had a heart ailment...So my dad would stop with his foolishness