A Dreamer's Mirror

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Cantonan na!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Oh gosh

I love kohi sessions!

Although I feel a little bit bad for talking behind someone's back, I feel it's a little justifiable in this case. I felt a bit irritated but okay all the same...eto lang:

Wag nila ako iinisin dahil mas magaling ako mang-inis. Wag nila ako babanggain dahil mas grabe ako gumanti. To the point of unreasonable na nga minsan eh.

I'm a bit irritated over a certain someone, pero may mga tao lang talagang ganun.

@ retsu: cool ka lang. heheheheh. andito naman ako eh. hehehehehe

I've been happy, but I've been praying sana matanggap ako kina ms. bea...para sa makati narin ako. And if that happens, may kasama ako pupunta sa office araw araw...si miss bea! hehehehehe

Frankly, I don't care if we're called elitista. We are who we are and it's our discretion whether we would accept a person. We are not obliged in anyway to accept anyone that may come our way. That would be unfair on our part diba? But I believe in giving people chances...if you blow that chance, then sorry

x9:05 PM
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

tired

here i am, barely recovered yet working again.

I'm still dizzy though...

sana matanggap ako sa pinagapplyan ko

ongaku was the best!

hehehehe. I had alot of fun there! Mom was kind enough to let me sneak out of the house and sneak me back in!

My dad never knew I left the house, hehehehehe

x8:41 PM
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Sunday, October 15, 2006

High

I am in a current state of euphoria...

For some reason, I feel a little subjugated...I feel time pass by me...like everything is in fast forward...

Maybe because I only had 3 hours sleep? Or am I loosing it?

Funny thing is, I slept at 2 and woke up at 5.

take note: WOKE UP

I had a hearty breakfast and everything...then I went to work, with a goofy smile on my face, feeling that the world has slowed down.

But now, i feel so tired...I just want to sleep...

But I can't. I'm at the office. I had at least 200 typos before I could publish this post

Zae darling...where are you??? I need Suikoden help!! heheehehhe

------

______

Oh god...now I know...I'm having a fever....but I can't go home. Mamaya pa 6 dapat...

*Throws sickness at Usagi*

Kunin mo sis!!

x7:38 PM
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Thursday, October 12, 2006

Friday the 13th

Happy Friday the 13th!

We celebrate the death of countless Templar knights everywhere...

Keiki session later! Am very much looking forward to it!

Curses! Suikogaiden will never be translated! Huhuhuhuhuhu...I wanna buy that game!

Napuyat nanaman ako kakalaro ng suikoden 5...

sana may 6...

My besftriend just left for Singapore this morning...

Gambarre to DLSU DebSoc!! take the gold!

Hehehe..

Ayaw gumana un kay April!

x9:37 PM
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Kohi and cake

Well...I'm about to quit my job

I'm going to apply to a call center and bear the responsibility of earning for my family.

I had the time of my life last night...I was allowed to stay outside the house until 2:00 am.

Thanks, Geomie!

Aww...I hope my mom accepts the fact that I HAVE TO STAY out late every wednesday night...It's the only time I'm able to hang out with my marshal friends...

I love suikoden 5!! I can't stop playing it!!

Must...finish...mission...must...keep...playing...

And now...I am half asleep on my computer...

Zae, help me! When will suikoden 6 be released???

Yay!! Keiki session tomorrow!!

x9:12 PM
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Gather my Wits

First of all, I'd like to thank Mama Hen and Retsu and Joy...

Joy for listening to me and making me feel that things are going to be ok.

Retsu for reminding me how strong I am that other night (you know what I'm talking about *wink wink*)

And Mama Hen for making me feel I'm not alone.

Josele and Kishi are a given. They know how much they mean to me...it's mutual

The other day, I crashed by Mama Hen's place. I was allergic to my house once again, as dan dan dan dan put it, and he mercifully let me stay and watch D Grayman (yay!! Allen is MINE!!! ALA AAGAW! And that hot guy with the LONG SWORD and long blue hair...Un sabi nila si Pao daw? *LOL*)

Then I told him things and suddenly something happened... His dad heard me and came rushing towards the scene. He demanded what was wrong. It sounded like he was accusing Mama Hen of doing something
to me...which was funny actually (I'm sorry mama!)

Hehehe

It's still hard to breathe though...I am faced with the responsibility of being the bread winner of the family. My dad can't work anymore.

I'm still looking for a job with better pay, just to pull me through

Two words: Call Center

x8:08 PM
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Monday, October 09, 2006

Not much

Not much happening...

I might find another job...at a call center. My best friends are worried that I might not be able to handle it...

I just told them I won't do something I can't handle.

Oh God...I'm living on a prayer right now. I'm beginning to get desperate.

I LOVE SUIKODEN. Ang ganda ng 5 shit!!

I can't wait for an event...I'll work all my problems away...

I really won't know what to do without my best friends

x10:27 PM
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Thursday, October 05, 2006

Oh God

Oh god...a new problem just emerged.

Yesterday, while I was at work, my hyperacidity started acting up...

I didn't eat anything I'm not allowed to.

I'm guessing its because of the accumulated stress this past few months. My body is breaking down right before my eyes.

Actually, the only thing keeping me sane right now is my bestfriends and my friends in the Community.

My friend, Josele, who is always ready to accompany me...Kishi, who's with me our personal haven...and the gang, who would always make me laugh and forget all worries

I wouldn't know what to do without them

Sometimes, I would just laugh. It was so ironic. I absolutely hated telenovelas. I've always thought that it was unreal and overrated. I mean, how could one person be so unlucky? It's as if the writer just wants to make him/her suffer. All of the imaginable dirty tactics were pulled. I mean, Fate is not that cruel. The story's like that just so they could pull your heart strings, be a tear jerker and sell.

Boy I was so wrong.

I feel as if I'm in a bad telenovela...

x7:15 PM
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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

wednesdate

Went with the Wednesdates and had the time of my life.

As usual I didn't want to go home. Henry, Retsu and Dandan were kind enough to escort me home...I was planning on introducing them to my parents so that my parents can learn to accept my friends.

Unfortunately...My dad gave them the cold shoulder. I've never felt so humiliated in my entire life.

Just like when Kel visited my house and my mom didn't face him, it happened again.

And they're telling me that I'm not letting them in on my life

This is why I don't bother introducing my friends to them...

They don't want to anyway

I don't want to cry anymore..I haven't cried since that night with Retsu Kel and Dandan.

And my chest feels so heavy

Shit, bakit puro ka - emohan nalang nangyayari sa buhay ko??

x10:06 PM
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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

not looking good

things are not looking good..

my dad has been called to the office when they learned that he has been having an affair with that woman...the office mate called MY cellphone.

Now he has gone there to defend his lady love...

This morning, my mom and I talked...I hated my dad for staying with my mom out of convenience...

My mom laughed and joked around...I was kinda reminded of myself. Now I know how my close friends felt.

And this morning we dicussed plans, in case she and dad separated...we computed bills, tuition, food...

If this pushes through, I may not be able to go back to school at all

I would have to work and be the bread winner. That I understood. Mom wants me to graduate with high grades so I can study abroad and go back sucessful...I want to try my luck in Japan...

And work underground while studying...So I could earn extra money

But dad would never separate from mom.

The son of a bitch has too many conveniences

My respect for him is slowly falling apart

My Ideal guy:

-Not a womanizer
-Doesn't smoke
-doesn't drink
-knows how to prioritize
-could SUBTLY control me
-konws how to budget money
-confident
-smart

And everything else is fine. Even if he has a loud mouth or may seem cold outside, as long as he has those qualities and love me for WHO I AM...I'm fine

x7:51 PM
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Monday, October 02, 2006

I apologize if I seem so dark in my journal...its the only place I can release the inner darkness that has been laying dormant for so many years.

Anyway, not much happening today...my bestfriend and i are constructing a RPG. you are all welcome to read if you want. hehehehe. its on blogspot

Mostly, its all a product of our deranged minds

GRR... I hate globe! they took 30 credits away from me! I just registered for unlimitext and text 1 TIME (the rest read 'message sending failed') and then...30 pesos down the drain

and I was like 'WTF?!'

As hikaru would put it...

,,!,,

hehehe, i love it when she does that!

I can't wait for wednesday...but as usual, I can't stay until 1 am (sorry guys)

I can probably stretch until 12

x9:24 PM
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Sunday, October 01, 2006

I don't really have anything against journals...but it just seems a little bitter to relive past moemories...memories you don't want to resurrect.

I can't seem to remember some things...Is it selective memory? Am I deranged?

It's lunch break and I'm hanging on..none of my office mates can relate to me, I can't YM or listen to music...its all work...

But worth it. I recieved my first BIG SALARY. WHOA. PARTY TIME!

I just severed connections with a former friend...She was my best friend for 6 years. Fuck. 6 freaking years of my life...I want it back!

But I trust my best friends when they told me that I have to do it...that she was not healthy for me. That I can't help her anymore if she's too stubborn to listen to me...they told me she was not worth it...just leave her be...And let her realize what an idiot she's been...when it's too late

I love them...I mean, they waged TOTAL WAR ON HER. I'm sure her so called friends won't do the same...

My best friends...I'm ready to lay my life for them, just as they are ready to do the same. I'm so happy with them...even if I'm going through alot of crap nowadays...

My father cried yesterday...My mom threatened to expose him and his 'other'. My dad cried for the other, but he didn't cry for my mom. He wanted to protect the 'other'. But he didn't take care of my mom. He didn't care if he hurt my mom...or betrayed me. Now, I see my mom suffering...and crying behind my back. My expression is always blank. I didn't smile. I didn't laugh. I just looked at her...for I know if I did cry, my mom's will would be weakened.

So I'm being strong for her.

My head's aching again...I need to use my glasses again. Sometimes, I feel my chest ache and it's so hard to breathe...Like my heart is being ripped from my chest. My mind's sometimes clouded and my head aches...maybe it's from the stress? And sometimes, I feel the need to vomit...not because of my stomach but from the lack of oxygen and irrational beating of my heart.Imagine yourself with those feelings late at night while you try to sleep...half hoping and half afraid that you won't wake up the next day...imagine having those feelings while you silently sleep...or try to...and wake up the next day dead tired...

I've been having trouble breathing lately...It's hard to sleep

And there's my lovelife...don't get me started on that..

Sometimes, I wish I had a heart ailment...So my dad would stop with his foolishness

x10:35 PM
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