A Dreamer's Mirror

Cantonan na!

2006-10-26T21:09:00.000-07:00

Oh gosh

2006-10-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

I love kohi sessions!

Although I feel a little bit bad for talking behind someone's back, I feel it's a little justifiable in this case. I felt a bit irritated but okay all the same...eto lang:

Wag nila ako iinisin dahil mas magaling ako mang-inis. Wag nila ako babanggain dahil mas grabe ako gumanti. To the point of unreasonable na nga minsan eh.

I'm a bit irritated over a certain someone, pero may mga tao lang talagang ganun.

@ retsu: cool ka lang. heheheheh. andito naman ako eh. hehehehehe

I've been happy, but I've been praying sana matanggap ako kina ms. bea...para sa makati narin ako. And if that happens, may kasama ako pupunta sa office araw araw...si miss bea! hehehehehe

Frankly, I don't care if we're called elitista. We are who we are and it's our discretion whether we would accept a person. We are not obliged in anyway to accept anyone that may come our way. That would be unfair on our part diba? But I believe in giving people chances...if you blow that chance, then sorry

tired

2006-10-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

here i am, barely recovered yet working again.

I'm still dizzy though...

sana matanggap ako sa pinagapplyan ko

ongaku was the best!

hehehehe. I had alot of fun there! Mom was kind enough to let me sneak out of the house and sneak me back in!

My dad never knew I left the house, hehehehehe

High

2006-10-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

I am in a current state of euphoria...

For some reason, I feel a little subjugated...I feel time pass by me...like everything is in fast forward...

Maybe because I only had 3 hours sleep? Or am I loosing it?

Funny thing is, I slept at 2 and woke up at 5.

take note: WOKE UP

I had a hearty breakfast and everything...then I went to work, with a goofy smile on my face, feeling that the world has slowed down.

But now, i feel so tired...I just want to sleep...

But I can't. I'm at the office. I had at least 200 typos before I could publish this post

Zae darling...where are you??? I need Suikoden help!! heheehehhe

------

______

Oh god...now I know...I'm having a fever....but I can't go home. Mamaya pa 6 dapat...

*Throws sickness at Usagi*

Kunin mo sis!!

Friday the 13th

2006-10-12T21:37:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday the 13th!

We celebrate the death of countless Templar knights everywhere...

Keiki session later! Am very much looking forward to it!

Curses! Suikogaiden will never be translated! Huhuhuhuhuhu...I wanna buy that game!

Napuyat nanaman ako kakalaro ng suikoden 5...

sana may 6...

My besftriend just left for Singapore this morning...

Gambarre to DLSU DebSoc!! take the gold!

Hehehe..

Ayaw gumana un kay April!

Kohi and cake

2006-10-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

Well...I'm about to quit my job

I'm going to apply to a call center and bear the responsibility of earning for my family.

I had the time of my life last night...I was allowed to stay outside the house until 2:00 am.

Thanks, Geomie!

Aww...I hope my mom accepts the fact that I HAVE TO STAY out late every wednesday night...It's the only time I'm able to hang out with my marshal friends...

I love suikoden 5!! I can't stop playing it!!

Must...finish...mission...must...keep...playing...

And now...I am half asleep on my computer...

Zae, help me! When will suikoden 6 be released???

Yay!! Keiki session tomorrow!!

Gather my Wits

2006-10-10T20:08:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'd like to thank Mama Hen and Retsu and Joy...

Joy for listening to me and making me feel that things are going to be ok.

Retsu for reminding me how strong I am that other night (you know what I'm talking about *wink wink*)

And Mama Hen for making me feel I'm not alone.

Josele and Kishi are a given. They know how much they mean to me...it's mutual

The other day, I crashed by Mama Hen's place. I was allergic to my house once again, as dan dan dan dan put it, and he mercifully let me stay and watch D Grayman (yay!! Allen is MINE!!! ALA AAGAW! And that hot guy with the LONG SWORD and long blue hair...Un sabi nila si Pao daw? *LOL*)

Then I told him things and suddenly something happened... His dad heard me and came rushing towards the scene. He demanded what was wrong. It sounded like he was accusing Mama Hen of doing something
to me...which was funny actually (I'm sorry mama!)

Hehehe

It's still hard to breathe though...I am faced with the responsibility of being the bread winner of the family. My dad can't work anymore.

I'm still looking for a job with better pay, just to pull me through

Two words: Call Center

Not much

2006-10-09T22:27:00.000-07:00

Not much happening...

I might find another job...at a call center. My best friends are worried that I might not be able to handle it...

I just told them I won't do something I can't handle.

Oh God...I'm living on a prayer right now. I'm beginning to get desperate.

I LOVE SUIKODEN. Ang ganda ng 5 shit!!

I can't wait for an event...I'll work all my problems away...

I really won't know what to do without my best friends

Oh God

2006-10-05T19:15:00.000-07:00

Oh god...a new problem just emerged.

Yesterday, while I was at work, my hyperacidity started acting up...

I didn't eat anything I'm not allowed to.

I'm guessing its because of the accumulated stress this past few months. My body is breaking down right before my eyes.

Actually, the only thing keeping me sane right now is my bestfriends and my friends in the Community.

My friend, Josele, who is always ready to accompany me...Kishi, who's with me our personal haven...and the gang, who would always make me laugh and forget all worries

I wouldn't know what to do without them

Sometimes, I would just laugh. It was so ironic. I absolutely hated telenovelas. I've always thought that it was unreal and overrated. I mean, how could one person be so unlucky? It's as if the writer just wants to make him/her suffer. All of the imaginable dirty tactics were pulled. I mean, Fate is not that cruel. The story's like that just so they could pull your heart strings, be a tear jerker and sell.

Boy I was so wrong.

I feel as if I'm in a bad telenovela...

wednesdate

2006-10-04T22:06:00.000-07:00

Went with the Wednesdates and had the time of my life.

As usual I didn't want to go home. Henry, Retsu and Dandan were kind enough to escort me home...I was planning on introducing them to my parents so that my parents can learn to accept my friends.

Unfortunately...My dad gave them the cold shoulder. I've never felt so humiliated in my entire life.

Just like when Kel visited my house and my mom didn't face him, it happened again.

And they're telling me that I'm not letting them in on my life

This is why I don't bother introducing my friends to them...

They don't want to anyway

I don't want to cry anymore..I haven't cried since that night with Retsu Kel and Dandan.

And my chest feels so heavy

Shit, bakit puro ka - emohan nalang nangyayari sa buhay ko??

not looking good

2006-10-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

things are not looking good..

my dad has been called to the office when they learned that he has been having an affair with that woman...the office mate called MY cellphone.

Now he has gone there to defend his lady love...

This morning, my mom and I talked...I hated my dad for staying with my mom out of convenience...

My mom laughed and joked around...I was kinda reminded of myself. Now I know how my close friends felt.

And this morning we dicussed plans, in case she and dad separated...we computed bills, tuition, food...

If this pushes through, I may not be able to go back to school at all

I would have to work and be the bread winner. That I understood. Mom wants me to graduate with high grades so I can study abroad and go back sucessful...I want to try my luck in Japan...

And work underground while studying...So I could earn extra money

But dad would never separate from mom.

The son of a bitch has too many conveniences

My respect for him is slowly falling apart

My Ideal guy:

-Not a womanizer
-Doesn't smoke
-doesn't drink
-knows how to prioritize
-could SUBTLY control me
-konws how to budget money
-confident
-smart

And everything else is fine. Even if he has a loud mouth or may seem cold outside, as long as he has those qualities and love me for WHO I AM...I'm fine

2006-10-02T21:24:00.000-07:00

I apologize if I seem so dark in my journal...its the only place I can release the inner darkness that has been laying dormant for so many years.

Anyway, not much happening today...my bestfriend and i are constructing a RPG. you are all welcome to read if you want. hehehehe. its on blogspot

Mostly, its all a product of our deranged minds

GRR... I hate globe! they took 30 credits away from me! I just registered for unlimitext and text 1 TIME (the rest read 'message sending failed') and then...30 pesos down the drain

and I was like 'WTF?!'

As hikaru would put it...

,,!,,

hehehe, i love it when she does that!

I can't wait for wednesday...but as usual, I can't stay until 1 am (sorry guys)

I can probably stretch until 12

2006-10-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

I don't really have anything against journals...but it just seems a little bitter to relive past moemories...memories you don't want to resurrect.

I can't seem to remember some things...Is it selective memory? Am I deranged?

It's lunch break and I'm hanging on..none of my office mates can relate to me, I can't YM or listen to music...its all work...

But worth it. I recieved my first BIG SALARY. WHOA. PARTY TIME!

I just severed connections with a former friend...She was my best friend for 6 years. Fuck. 6 freaking years of my life...I want it back!

But I trust my best friends when they told me that I have to do it...that she was not healthy for me. That I can't help her anymore if she's too stubborn to listen to me...they told me she was not worth it...just leave her be...And let her realize what an idiot she's been...when it's too late

I love them...I mean, they waged TOTAL WAR ON HER. I'm sure her so called friends won't do the same...

My best friends...I'm ready to lay my life for them, just as they are ready to do the same. I'm so happy with them...even if I'm going through alot of crap nowadays...

My father cried yesterday...My mom threatened to expose him and his 'other'. My dad cried for the other, but he didn't cry for my mom. He wanted to protect the 'other'. But he didn't take care of my mom. He didn't care if he hurt my mom...or betrayed me. Now, I see my mom suffering...and crying behind my back. My expression is always blank. I didn't smile. I didn't laugh. I just looked at her...for I know if I did cry, my mom's will would be weakened.

So I'm being strong for her.

My head's aching again...I need to use my glasses again. Sometimes, I feel my chest ache and it's so hard to breathe...Like my heart is being ripped from my chest. My mind's sometimes clouded and my head aches...maybe it's from the stress? And sometimes, I feel the need to vomit...not because of my stomach but from the lack of oxygen and irrational beating of my heart.Imagine yourself with those feelings late at night while you try to sleep...half hoping and half afraid that you won't wake up the next day...imagine having those feelings while you silently sleep...or try to...and wake up the next day dead tired...

I've been having trouble breathing lately...It's hard to sleep

And there's my lovelife...don't get me started on that..

Sometimes, I wish I had a heart ailment...So my dad would stop with his foolishness

it's been quite a while

2006-09-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

Oh shit....

First of all, I want to say sorryto my account...it's been a while since I updated you...i even forgot the password!

Anyway, I'm kinda out of school now, my mom and dad's marriage on the rocks and I have a new job at my best friend's company...I work as a secretary and at the same time a booking officer for Puerto Nirvana Resort (plug plug plug)

I never knew office life would be so scary

Now, I've developed a new kind of fear from her dad...I call him 'sir' now and I'm always on my toes whenever he's around

I never knew my best friend's dad could be so scary

I'm a little worried though..I hope this doesn't come between me and my best friend in anyway..alot of people are telling me its dangerous

I also have plans on joining the Animax fashion contest..I really need the money. My best friend is scared of the designs rigt now...my other best friend, Josele, concieved those designs with me..

Heheh. I'm evil

I had to cut connections with a long time acquaintance..it kinda hurt, but I'm still alive right? I'll get over it

I have a new name...Kaoru Hitachiin! I love Ouran and I LOVE KYOUYA

I miss my twin brother Ryan...And my mothers Louanne and Henry..

And all the other marshals...they're my second family

Anway, I had to turn down a suitor and a good friend of mine...

It's not that he's not good enough...it's just that I fell for another guy...

People tell me I'm stupid
...but other people contest.

To all the reader's of destiny's saga:

Im so sorry! Ill write the story the moment I get the chance!

shocking!

2006-03-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

This day had started so bad...

First, I got into a fight with my mom and dad...( well my dad)

The tricycle that i was riding in got into a fight with on of it's passengers, so I barely made it to school in time for my Kanji test...

but when I checked my email...my God.

He replied.

I couldn't be happier...but I have to be cautious...he is in a fragile state right now...

Try outs for the IIDC and AUDC today...I hope I can make it

Am I evil..?

Back from paradise

2006-03-05T17:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back from Puerto Galera. I had the time of my life! I was able to go snorkeling and saw a 12 inch or so blue starfish, I was able to ride and drive (without being wiped out!) a jetski, collect shells and the likes. The food there was AWESOME! I totally pigged out and ate all the slices of watermelons that were served.

I also did well on my public speaking speech, the topic was "Gentlemanly is Chauvinist". I have nothing against gentlemen, in fact, I LOVE THEM. But I was able to link it to the theme (which is to make fun of our president, but HELL! I love him/her none the less (don't know what to call him/her ;p) and make them laugh. I wished it never end.

But now I'm back in school, with my beloved professor Robles, tests, reports, people who hate and ostracize me, military training and life...I already started working on my Dynasty Warriors Fanfic (I love my reviewers!)

But as I made my way back, I saw the peaceful sleeping face of my bestfriend...I thought it was the only time when she didn't worry about anything. I just don't know how to make her feel that she's not alone. I don't know how to make her see how much I care for her without telling her. Should I hug her? She doesn't like touchy feelies...

I'm not a lesbian or anything ok?

I just see her as the older sister I never had...I just want her to...I don't know. Remind her that I'm there? That I care? That she shouldn't be sad because she had me? Ang kapal ko naman

Anyway, I have a report to finish..particularly on Japanese porn ;p

laterz!

okay

2006-03-03T08:20:00.000-08:00

We're scheduled to leave at dawn...I'm at a friend's house. The rest are currently watching Brokeback Mountain and I plan to join them later...anyway...

One look at the house and I fell in love with it...the vines, the trees, everything...

Their cat, Homer, a himalayan something, was so cute ! He was so adorable! Anita (did I get her name right?) their two year old pug is just plain scary. I mean, she barks at us all the time! And I want to say thank you to my best friend for re-doing the layout for my blog...thanks dearest!Anyway..I gotta take a shower and watch the movie with them. Later!

failure

2006-03-02T17:23:00.000-08:00

Is my best not good enough?

I spent countless hours reviewing for a test in one of my major subjects...

It was a crucial one, one that will decide whether I pass or fail...

I recite in class, the professor knows my name already...

I've never studied so hard...

But when I got the test...I saw that I failed. Wow.

I'd better stick to story making then.

I'm going to go to Puerto Galera...but I risk the wrath of my ROTC officers by doing so, with a major competition coming up and all...I'm going to Puerto for the team building seminar of the Debate Society...

I hope things will be better there or when I get back...

This is the story in which I receive solace from the reviews that are given to me...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2717725/1/

Still waiting for him though...

Far Away

2006-02-28T19:55:00.000-08:00

My first post...hmm...

Have any one of you ever felt that even if you're loving someone from afar, it's okay? That you're contented to just be there for that person? That you don't care what he looks like? Even if you've never seen each other face to face?

You know guys...I fell in love with a guy. Someone that I would move heaven and earth for...someone who I'll gladly give my happiness in order for him to be happy. I love him even until now. I love him so much...But he loves someone eles. But that someone 'entrusted' him to me...better me than anyone, she says. But she also loves him...but they can't be together...for something bad will happen if they did. She never told him how much she loved him...and I comforted him through email. He told me i didn't know how he feels...seeing the one you love suffer and being helpless enough to do anything about it. But I wanted to tell him that I did...seeing him and my precious friend hurt...seeing them wanting each other...a love that cannot be. I'm right in the middle...I told him I loved him. He told me he's sorry. And he told her that he will wait for her...And I will also wait for him...

And now, he had amnesia...my friend has no plans of making herself known...she did give them my name for him to contact. She is still trying to play matchmaker...

But I'm not planning to take advantage of that. I know that he would always love her even if he forgot...I'm just happy to have the opportunity to play a part in his life. To be his pillar. I could never bear the fact that I was 'erased' from his life...

I love him. I really do. I couldn't even think of him dying when he was in intensive care due to an accident...

I love him...And whenever I hear "Far Away" by Nickelback, I remember him.

His birthday is feb 29...I wish he would get well soon. And when the time is right, I would tell him that I love him...again.